Me: So Tim the stable boy overhears what the highwayman is going to do, and what does he do with this information?
Student 1: He rats the highwayman out to the cops!
Me: Well, they didn't have cops back then--but he does tell the redcoats.
Student 2: *shakes head and sighs* Tim, Tim, Tim. Classic Tim.
Gem 2, overheard while preparing to leave for the day...
Me: Is there anyone willing to do a job for me if I give you a sticker?
Students: *jump up and down with hands in the air, begging to be chosen*
Me: Thanks for volunteering! [Student's Name], I saw your hand up first. Could you please count the poetry books on the shelf for me?
A Different Student: *under her breath* Well, of course you picked him. His was the only hand you could visibly see!
Because everyone else has invisible hands? So confused!
Gem 3, overheard while discussing the 7th grade field trip to Cedar Point in the spring...
Student 1: What do I get since I was the first person to turn in my money and permission slip?
Me: A ticket and a bus ride to Cedar Point.
Student 2: What happens if I get sick on a ride?
Me: Throw up far away from me. Or, you know, don't go.
Student 3: What happens if you miss the bus in the morning?
Me: You stay here.
Student 3: You mean you wouldn't wait for us? Shouldn't we get a refund then?
Me: I don't believe you understand how this trip works. You show up on time, we go to the park, we leave on time. You get no refund if you can't tell time.
Student 4: Do you ride the rides?
Me: Of course. Because I'm a teacher, I don't have to wait in any lines. I get to walk right up to the ride and get on immediately.
Student 5: No fair! Do the kids in your group get to skip the line too?
Me: Oh, no. I don't have any students in a group. You guys are chaperoned by parents. I just walk around eating Dippin' Dots and cutting in line all day. It's pretty much the best day ever.
Student 6: Do we have to wear a shirt?
Me: Yes, I am pretty certain that the school dress code requires you to wear a shirt. Barring that, Cedar Point's dress code most likely requires you to be clothed anyways.
Student 6: No, I meant do we have to wear the t-shirt that you design for us?
Me: Why would you not want to? The t-shirt will likely involve Star Wars, unicorns, and/or sloths. The trip is worth it for the shirt alone.
I probably shouldn't be put in charge of anything.
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