Patience, Young Grasshopper...

Last week was interim test week at school.  This means that all language arts and math classes have big big tests and we teachers get the pleasure of grading the constructed responses before scanning the rest of the test in to the gradebook.  One of my former students was a little anxious about finding out his score on his math test, and he stopped his math teacher on her way out the door...

Student: Are you going to have the interims graded by tomorrow?

Math Teacher: Possibly.  It depends upon how long it takes.

Student: Oh, you can pull an all-nighter to get them all done!

Me:  Whoa there chief...it's not quite that easy! [Student's current ELA teacher walks by and I called her into the room]  Tell your ELA teacher what you just said!

Student:  I just want to know what my grades are!  It's important!  Are you going to have our interims graded by tomorrow?

ELA Teacher:  Well, actually, I have no life whatsoever.  So I am just going to go straight home to grade this giant stack of papers.  I will not eat or sleep until I am finished so you can have your grade tomorrow.

Student:  Finally!  Someone who appreciates my priorities!

We're going to need to work on the concept of facetiousness, apparently.

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

Here's an oldie to get you in the spirit of things. No spoilers if you haven't read the story...

Overheard in my classroom today...

Me: *reads the classic creepy story "The Monkey's Paw" in order to teach mood*

Student:  So wait, the son was dead?  How did he die?

Me: *bangs head against the wall*

So Many Words!

I am returning to the classroom on Monday, so no doubt there will be some new posts forthcoming.  Here's an old one that popped up in my "On This Day" thingie on Facebook...

Student: What words are we supposed to be studying this week?
Me: Your spelling words. Unit 7.
Student: Oh. Which book are those words in?
Me: Um, your spelling book? Try that one.

I wonder which book the student was using to study for the first six units...

Fra-jee-lay....It Must Be Italian!

It's been a while...some not so funny stuff going on.  But here's a funny story to reward you for your patience.

Today after school, a GIGANTIC semi attempted to pull into the parking lot during pick-up time.  If you have ever been in the school parking lot at 3:15, you know that it is not a place to be driving a semi.  Or anything else, if you ask me.  But I digress.  The semi was delivering a cart for a classroom set of Chromebooks, which really is not large enough to warrant an entire semi, but whatever.  Not my problem.  The principal managed to get the semi out of the way until the parking lot emptied and then asked if I would help to ensure that it got into the building with her.  The semi driver loaded the cart off the truck, no problem.  Then he worked on unwrapping it from the shipping materials while the principal and I waited.

Here's where it gets interesting.  The cart had a pyramid-shaped warning sign on the top so that no one would stack anything on top of it.  The semi driver said, "Oh, I'm sorry, there's only one party hat for you."  Which, of course, means I have to put it on my head.  See below:

As I was busy taking selfies/embarassing students by forcing them to admit they know me, the semi driver looks at me intently and asks, "Do you watch that show American Horror Story?"  Well, I don't, but I'm pretty sure nothing good can come out of a conversation that begins like that.  I admit to not watching it, but say that I know that it is super scary, especially this season.  The driver says, "Oh no, I don't mean this season.  The one you make me think of is the one with the freak show."

The principal lost it completely.  I was forced to slink inside in shame.  With my party hat, obviously.

Rodent Escapades

Never in a thousand years would I imagine that I would have ANOTHER blogworthy moment in my new job so soon!  And it's AMAZING.

I had just gotten out of an interview for a new staff member when I heard the front office calling for a custodian needed in a fourth grade classroom on the radio.  I ignored it and started back to "my" office, but one of the ladies in the front office said that I should also go to the fourth grade room.  Um, why?  Because there was a MOUSE in the closet!  Clearly, I was the woman for the job.

So I booked it down to the room and saw the custodian coming out the door.  I asked him if he had caught the mouse, and he said no.  He was going to call the exterminator.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay, I have a soft spot for mices.

The mouse, who was scared out of its little mouse brain, was hiding in the closet.  I carefully took some of the stuff out of the bottom of the closet, which of course just made the mouse panic even more.  When I tried to grab it, it jumped out of my hands and ran out the door of the classroom.  Now we have mouse on the loose in the hallway.  By this time, the other custodian had joined in the Great Mouse Hunt, so there were three adults running after this teeny little mouse.  Kids are watching through the doors of the classrooms as we dive on the floor trying to grab it, probably laughing at our lack of grace and skill at mouse-catching.  I cornered it, but it kept jumping out of my grasp.  I was worried that it was either going to run under the door to another classroom, or run down my pants.  Finally, one of the custodians executed some crazy ninja moves (seriously--I have never seen the like) and trapped the mouse in a plastic container.  She then immediately handed it off to me.  I, of course, took its picture:

No, I did not keep it as a pet, even though it was super-cute.  I took it outside and set it free in the field behind the school.  It scampered away, much relieved to be free.  At least until 8:00 when it can slip back inside the building.

A New Adventure

As some of you may know, I am currently acting as the middle school dean at my school while the real one is out on maternity leave. So unfortunately, I am not in the classroom overhearing random gems of seventh-grade wisdom currently.  I am discovering, however, that there's a wealth of other places to overhear crazy stuff within the school building and its outskirts.  Perhaps that's because the crazy follows me around--whatever.  Point is, there's still good material out there.

For today's anecdote, some background information is necessary.  The admin team is learning how to handle all the paperwork related to students who are not native English speakers.  As a newbie, I had NO idea how much work is involved in testing, monitoring, and tutoring these students.  There were lots of acronyms being thrown around which meant nothing to us.  Thankfully we have lots of people who are trying to help us through the process, but it was still a painful dose of reality.  After two hours of feeling frustrated and stupid, my ADD got the better of me and I had to stand up to take a walk.  My walk took me past the table with all the random free stuff that teachers dump in the lounge.

Me:  OOOOOOH!  A dinosaur book!  With cardboard models you can build!  Why was I not informed about this?  (snatches book gleefully)

My Boss:  And this is why we need all the help we can get with this stuff.

Okay, my presence may actually be the common equation here....

Topical

As we near graduation (2 1/2 days, but who's counting), I was amused to discover this little gem on my Facebook page from last year....

Student: Do people wear pants under those robes?

Me: Nope. Absolutely not. Pants-free zone.

Student: Ohhhhhh... *looks panicked*