A New Adventure

As some of you may know, I am currently acting as the middle school dean at my school while the real one is out on maternity leave. So unfortunately, I am not in the classroom overhearing random gems of seventh-grade wisdom currently.  I am discovering, however, that there's a wealth of other places to overhear crazy stuff within the school building and its outskirts.  Perhaps that's because the crazy follows me around--whatever.  Point is, there's still good material out there.

For today's anecdote, some background information is necessary.  The admin team is learning how to handle all the paperwork related to students who are not native English speakers.  As a newbie, I had NO idea how much work is involved in testing, monitoring, and tutoring these students.  There were lots of acronyms being thrown around which meant nothing to us.  Thankfully we have lots of people who are trying to help us through the process, but it was still a painful dose of reality.  After two hours of feeling frustrated and stupid, my ADD got the better of me and I had to stand up to take a walk.  My walk took me past the table with all the random free stuff that teachers dump in the lounge.

Me:  OOOOOOH!  A dinosaur book!  With cardboard models you can build!  Why was I not informed about this?  (snatches book gleefully)

My Boss:  And this is why we need all the help we can get with this stuff.

Okay, my presence may actually be the common equation here....

Topical

As we near graduation (2 1/2 days, but who's counting), I was amused to discover this little gem on my Facebook page from last year....

Student: Do people wear pants under those robes?

Me: Nope. Absolutely not. Pants-free zone.

Student: Ohhhhhh... *looks panicked*

M(ad) Students

To end up the year, I do a unit about media literacy and advertising.  We talk about advertising techniques and the uses of color, and then the assignment is to design their own cereal box.  The kids then have to explain their box to the class.  Here are some of the highlights from the presentations...

Student One: Our cereal has 210 calories per serving.  It also can cure cancer.
Student Two:  210 calories?  That's a lot!
Student One:  That's the price you pay for curing cancer.
Student Two:  Diabetes?

Student Three:  Our cereal graphics target children of all ages.  Because who doesn't love alien dogs wearing leprechaun hats?

Student Four:  Our cereal is called Coco-Cabbages.  If you collect all five of the golden cabbages inside, you can win a dragon-warrior-sized dumpling.

Student Five:  We're not going to say that our cereal will cure cancer, but it is gluten-free!

Student Six:  Our cereal has negative 1000 calories--it defies obesity.

Student Seven:  Our cereal is called Swaggy's.  It has 110 calories of swag per serving.

Student Eight:  Our tagline is, "Unicorn Doo-Doo--A Butt-load of Fun!"

We Love Testing!

And because we love testing so much, we haven't had regular classes in a while.  I've been collecting the random awsomeness for you, however, and now it gets published in one big post o' joy and happiness.

Scene One: Before school begins.  Students are talking about a car they followed that had something hanging out of the trunk.
Student:  I was kind of upset when they opened the trunk that it wasn't a body.  Sacrifices must be made, I guess.

Scene Two:  Again, before school begins.  I am taking a selfie for some reason, probably to send to my now-former student teacher to harrass her.
Student (in tone of incredulity):  What are you doing?  You're taking selfies and you're pushing 50?
I'm really not pushing 50, btw.

Scene Three:  Before school.  I have been asked to fill in for traffic duty.
Me:  Is it raining outside right now?
Student:  No, but it rained last night.
Because that would somehow help me to decide if I should bring an umbrella or not.

Scene Four:  On our way to test in the library.
Student One:  Wow, look at [actual name redacted, let's call him Johnny].  Johnny looks different today.
Student Two:  Yeah, you're right.  What's different about him?
Student One:  Oh my gosh, Johnny's not wearing his jacket!
Student Two:  He's living the thug life.

Scene Five: Before assembly.
Former Homeroom Student:  Is [actual name redacted, let's call her Susie] in your homeroom?
Me:  Yes, she is.
Former Homeroom Student:  Is she there now?
Me:  Yes, she is.
Former Homeroom Student: Okay, great!  Where's your homeroom?
Me:  Are you for reals?

I hope that this sampling of seventh (and eighth) grade craziness helps to get you through your day.  It sure helps me.  That and banging my head against the wall.

Stop! Collaborate and Listen!

My homeroom students were discussing rappers this morning (I don't know why.  I try not to ask too many questions.)  This was the conversation that I managed to catch...

Student One:  What about Vanilla Ice?

Student Two:  You know, he's white though.

Student One:  What are you talking about?

Student Two:  He's white.

Me (because I could no longer take it):  Why do you think his name is Vanilla Ice?

Student One:  I just thought he really liked vanilla ice cream.

This, among many reasons, is why I have to educate these children in the ways of 80s pop culture.

Tilting At Windmills

We're finishing up our biography and autobiography unit.  Hannah, the student teacher, came up with this great lesson plan about Miguel de Cervantes, the author of Don Quixote.  To give them some background, she showed them a picture of him:

Questions from the students included:

Is that a man or a woman?
Where's the rest of his body?


Oh, but it goes on.  Apparently during Cervantes's lifetime, there was this thing called the Holy League.  I freely admit I knew nothing about this--apparently it was a group of Catholic countries that joined together to drive the Turks out of the eastern Mediterranean in 1571.  The students immediately thought that it was a church softball team.  Seems logical to me.

The Honeymoon's Almost Over

So my student teacher has been gone for the past two days in order to attend job fairs and, you know, get a job. Leaving me in charge. I need to get used to it since her days with us are numbered, but I figured I would mess with her while I still can. Here is the actual text messages exchanged between us tonight as she attempted to regroup for tomorrow: 

I am freaking hysterical.