I Don't Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

It's Teacher Appreciation Day.  YAAAAAAY for teachers!

Because my school rocks, we actually get an entire WEEK of appreciation.  I am lucky enough to work at a school where the parents and administrators spoil teachers rotten during this week.  We have lunches every day, presents, cards...it's almost too much.  Almost.  I like to think that I've done my time--most of the other schools I've worked at might send an e-card at the end of the week.

One of the fun activities we have during this week takes place during our morning assembly.  One teacher from each hall competes in a silly game of some sort.  The winner gets to spin a wheel to determine his or her prize, which could be a jeans day, free lunch, or even getting to leave early.

I have never won.

Today, the lucky winner spun and received a pass to leave early.  My homeroom students, who by the way had mocked me for screaming, "WHEEL! OF! FORTUNE!!!!!" when the wheel came out, asked why I couldn't win one of those passes.

"Because I possess neither luck nor ability," I replied.  The students continued to encourage me to attempt to play tomorrow, which seemed suspicious.  "Why do you want me to win?" I queried.  "Why are you trying to encourage me so much? Are you finally starting to appreciate me?"

"If you won a pass to leave early, maybe you could use it to come in late instead.  And then you'd miss our class."

"But I've missed your class like four times out of the past seven," I pointed out.  I was out of town.  Then sick.  Then at a doctor's appointment.

"Yeah, and it's been great!"  was the reply.

We need to work on defining "appreciation," apparently.

Therefore, I will be appreciating Star Wars tomorrow loudly and with relish.  And I shall be involving some homeroom students in the celebration against their will.  To show my appreciation and all.

I Think They Nailed It

We have started our poetry unit in seventh grade.  Today's assignment was to write and present a group list poem (which is pretty much what it sounds like).  The topic given was "School" in any way, shape, or form that they chose.

Apparently I never learn.

One particularly devious clever group came up with this gem, which I present for you in its entirety along with my commentary in italics:

Ms. Whiston

The demon shark flies over our heads.  There is an Air Shark loose in the room

Our security system is a beheaded unicorn.  True

Handles rats like a demon boss.  I am a demon boss

Threatens us to join the Dark Side.  This is why my light saber is red

Her birthday is year round.  I haven't taken down a birthday sign from November

When we're gone, we need to bring her presents.  A genius rule, if I do say so myself

Makes [the math teacher's] room look like heaven.  Her room is definitely cleaner than mine

Uses The Force to threaten us.  Can't deny this

Her rodents keep their red beady eyes on us.  There are no albino rats in my room

Then Yoda came to save us one day.  He did.  He talks, fights, and everything

But he was too late.  Yep.  The damage has been done

Note the use of repetition, the descriptive language, the use of simile...

April Fools (?)

First of all, let me say that whoever made April 1st coincide with the last day before spring break ought to be forced to teach seventh graders on that day.

*vent over*

I am not big into pranks on April Fool's Day, mostly because I see no point in only fooling people on the day they're expecting it.  But I saw an idea on a blog I follow which interested me.  I tweaked it a little bit and got the principal in on it.  The idea was to tell my homeroom that I had played an epic prank on the principal this morning, but I didn't want to reveal any details because she hadn't discovered it yet.  The kids asked if she would call me when she found the prank, and I replied, "Undoubtedly."  Then I waited for the phone call from the principal.

As planned, she called and pretended to be furious with me.  The kids could only hear my half of the conversation, but it basically involved me denying all responsibility for the prank, her telling me I went too far, me pointing out that there were students present and we should discuss this later, and her saying she'd be down shortly to discuss the issue further.

The kids were pretty nonchalant about it.  "Did you get in trouble?"  one student asked.

""Meh," I said.  "She'll get over it.  She didn't really need that desk anyways."

A few minutes later, the principal and the dean came into my room and escorted me out.  We then got a box and I came back in and started emptying my desk.  Again, the kids barely even blinked.  I walked out of the room with my box, head down, not making eye contact with anyone.  Kids are LAUGHING at me.  The principal went back in and pointed out that they probably wouldn't be seeing me again, so maybe they shouldn't be laughing so much.  No dice.

Finally, we gave up and I went back in.  One child had already appropriated my rolling chair.  And my garbage can was on my desk.  Either we need to work on our acting skills, or the kids really would be fine with me leaving.  I had been worried about damaging their fragile psyches, but I needn't have worried.  "We figured the principal was pranking YOU," they said.

So a fail.  The only person who was fooled by our little skit was one of the other teachers, who thought I really was being fired.  Which was funny in hindsight, but I doubt she was amused as she watched me walk out with my box!

I also got blamed for a prank played on another teacher.  A bunch of students snuck in and sticky-noted his entire room.  THE ENTIRE ROOM.  I played no part in the execution of this prank, although I may or may not have provided a key.  BUT STILL.  There's no trust.

Adding insult to the injury, I knew that a bunch of seventh grade girls have it in for me were attempting to prank me, so I was on my guard.  I even locked my classroom door when I went to lunch, glorifying in the look of panic in their eyes as they realized they wouldn't be able to get in my room to enact their devious plan.  "Mama didn't raise no fool," I commented as I walked past them on my way to eat.

Silly me.  Silly, silly me.  I should have realized that there are an ABUNDANCE of people with keys to my room who were more than happy to unlock it.  This is what I came back to:

I had to bribe my next class to help me clean up.  In related news, I am pretty much out of tissues now.

Good thing I have a week to lick my wounds  plot my revenge relax!

We Need More Potatoes

I'm trying to process all the news coming out of Brussels this evening.  I used to live near Brussels, not that it gives me any more right to be indignant or sorrowful or anything.  The reaction of some of the American candidates for president are shocking me as well.  I don't want to delve into politics--that's not the point of this blog.  It just seems to me that nothing has ever been solved by stirring up hatred and fear.

Which leads me to what I was originally planning to write about before I came home and saw the news.  Our principal talked about how important it is to encourage other people, and how you feel good when you hear encouraging words EVEN IF THEY AREN'T DIRECTED AT YOU.  You feel better when people around you are being nice to other people.  Radical concept, right?

In one of my more crazy brilliant schemes, I decided that it would be GREAT to encourage my teammate by sending her a potato.  Yes, this is a real thing.  It's called AnonymousPotato.com, and they will ship a potato emblazoned with a message of your choice to anyone you want.  Anonymously, of course.  You can even purchase accessories for the potato such as a burlap sack.  I did not opt for the burlap sack.

I have been updating the tracking information ever since I ordered it, and today was the day!  I only wish I had been in the office when she checked her mailbox.

Of course, no one (and I do mean NO ONE) had any doubt where the potato had originated from, which I find vaguely insulting.  But only vaguely.

I think I made her day a little bit brighter.

My point: Send someone a potato.  Or just be kind and nice and encouraging.  Don't let the haters tell you how to think.

I had a Groupon, by the way.

In science, we must be interested in things, not in persons.

Today we were talking about eponyms.  Eponyms, for those of you who aren't total dorks like me language arts teachers, are words that are formed from the name of the person who created the thing.  For example, the word leotard comes from its inventor, French acrobat Jules Leotard.

As you can see, I am a veritable treasure trove of useless information.

But I digress.  One of the eponyms on our list was curium.  As in the element.  I don't know what it does or what it looks like.  But I do know that it was named for Marie Curie.  So we were discussing who she was and how she won the Nobel Prize (twice), yada yada yada.  I mentioned that if you want to read her original notebooks, you have to wear protective gear because they are still radioactive.  A kid in the back looks at me strangely.

"What?" I said.  "She died of radiation poisoning.  It takes a long time for radioactivity to dissipate."

The kid exclaims, "Oh!  You're talking about Marie Curie!  I thought you were talking about Mariah Carey!"

The confusion is understandable.

I don't need a sword. Because I am the Doctor. And this is my spoon.

The students are studying myths, legends, and tales currently.  For their research project, they have to find out about the historical background of a legend such as Atlantis or Santa Claus and then determine why it has remained popular.

Today, in a win for geeks everywhere, my students were able to work The Doctor into their presentation.  And yes, it was actually relevant, and yes, it was amazing.

I should retire right now.

Aaaaaand I'm Out!

Today I reached the pinnacle of my teaching career.

*Background: It's Spirit Week. Today was Imposters Day. Cue the chaos and anarchy.*

Not only did I have a student impersonate ME for the first time (and she did it well), there was also a contingency of eighth graders who dressed up as characters from Star Wars.  Every major character other than Threepio was represented. With props.

I'm not allowed to post photos of my students, so you'll have to trust me on the epicness of this turn of events.  After YEARS of students not understanding my references, my brainwashing scheme has come to fruition!