So there was some fierce dodgeball action in the middle school last week. Each class had a team, and then one team per grade level progressed to the finals. Much to my surprise and delight, my homeroom won! They then went on to beat the 8th grade team in the semis that afternoon. I discovered that there are some VERY competitive people in my class, and there's one kid who attacks like a spider monkey.
This meant that my homeroom was going to play the staff team in the finals. Meaning I was a winner either way at this point. Despite my getting hit within 30 seconds of the start, the staff team hung on and emerged victorious. There were some allegations of cheating, but come on--we're much bigger targets than the kids. We deserved some accommodations.
I decided to buy my homeroom doughnuts the next day to show that a) there were no hard feelings, and b) that they rocked. My teammate was appalled, reminding me that SPRINKLES ARE FOR WINNERS! And so my evil plan was hatched...I would buy sprinkle doughnuts for all the teachers, which we would eat defiantly in front of the children. When they complained, we would explain that SPRINKLES ARE FOR WINNERS and they did not win. After some teasing, I would bring out the doughnuts I bought for them--which were glazed, but not sprinkled. BECAUSE SPRINKLES ARE FOR WINNERS.
The plan unfolded beautifully. The children were amusingly outraged when they saw us eating doughnuts in the hall. They demanded doughnuts for themselves. I told them that SPRINKLES ARE FOR WINNERS. They accused us of cheating and reminded me that our moral focus virtue for the month was integrity. I responded that I was amazed that anyone would choose me to teach moral focus values. And ate my sprinkles. Then I gave them their doughnuts, which made them happy. When someone commented on the lack of sprinkles, I pointed out that I had actually compromised my values by providing them with glazed doughnuts versus plain ones and perhaps they should be thankful for what they had.
One child in particular was obsessed by the sprinkles. Let's be clear--they weren't even the good rainbow sprinkles. They were yellow and orange Halloween sprinkles, for reasons that Tim Hortons ought to explain. Personally, I don't even LIKE sprinkles. They are crunchy, and doughnuts ought not to be crunchy. Unless they are Cap'n Crunch doughnuts from Voodoo Doughnuts. Then it's all good. Anyways, this kid wanted sprinkles so badly that I gave him one that had fallen off. You would have thought that it was a billion dollar sprinkle, he was so happy.
The day after Doughnut-Gate, there were still sprinkles on my floor. Apparently it is hard to vacuum sprinkles up? Who knows. But this same kid went bonkers. He picked them up off the floor before I could say anything AND ATE THEM. He then proclaimed, "It's my lucky day! It's like dinner!" I didn't tell him that there were sprinkles on the floor in the hall from where my fellow WINNERS and I had been eating doughnuts the day before. For obvious reasons.
